


The Problem

by Bandom_Squirrel



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M, Pre-Split
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:34:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24927763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bandom_Squirrel/pseuds/Bandom_Squirrel
Summary: Ryan would happily date Brendon, if it weren’t for one problem. A problem that he was beginning to overthink every second of his life.
Relationships: Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	The Problem

The problem wasn’t that Ryan was oblivious. No, he was far from it. Brendon always seemed to have too much of everything, but if there was one thing he was lacking in, it was subtlety. Ryan was fairly sure the entire label new about Brendon’s crush on Ryan. Hell, it was getting to the point where he was sure it would be impossible for anyone not to notice, what with all of Brendon’s longing stares and barely masked innuendos. 

It became especially obvious one day, when they were watching some shitty horror flick and eating popcorn on the tour bus, and Brendon had claimed the couch was too small for him to sit anywhere besides Ryan’s lap. Ryan was sure he had put up some sort of argument, but Brendon was exceptionally stubborn. 

They were about half way through through the movie when Ryan raised his hand to his mouth to wipe some of the butter from the popcorn off his lips. Less than a moment later, he shifted his gaze slightly to see Brendon staring at his lips, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. It was so obvious at that point that it was almost comical. It were happening to anyone else it would’ve been. However, it wasn’t happening to someone else. It was happening to him. 

“Stop staring at me,” Ryan had requested, rolling his eyes and returning his focus to the screen. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Brendon duck his head and blush, but regain his composure in record speed. 

“But I can’t, Ryan Ross,” Brendon had declared. His tone was teasing, but Ryan knew him well enough to detect the notes of embarrassment underneath. “Your popcorn eating skills are just too impressive. Almost as impressive as your ability to write angsty poetry about your feelings.”

“Fuck off,” Ryan retaliated, flipping Brendon off without taking his eyes off the screen. “Those angsty poems about my feelings got us our jobs.”

“Because you’re just that amazing,” Brendon had agreed brightly, and Ryan had pursed his lips, scrambling to think of anything to say to that. It wasn’t even an insult, but it still felt like something he had to argue. Luckily, Spencer saved him from having to reply. 

“Oh my god, either shut up and watch the movie or get a room already,” Spencer groaned, and maybe it wasn’t so lucky after all. Brendon had a tendency to actually listen to Spencer, a privilege he didn’t seem to give to anyone else, so at least he did actually shut up, leaving Ryan having to face the reality that Brendon’s feelings had simply become too obvious for him to ignore any longer. 

~

The problem also wasn’t that Ryan didn’t feel the same way. How could he not be hopelessly in love with Brendon? This was the boy who had looked at him like he was a god for so long, with his adorable grin and his amazing voice. Every day had Ryan becoming more and more enamored with his bandmate, and he was far past the “becoming a problem” phase of it all. No, it had become a problem a while ago, and continued to be one every time one of Brendon’s small quirks distracted him from something important. 

Ryan remembered the exact moment it had gone from “becoming a problem” to “being a problem”. Brendon had joined the band a couple of months before, and they were going over some of the songs that Ryan had written. Brendon had been looking over the music, trying out some of the chords when he’d started singing the lyrics Ryan had scribbled down. 

“Have some composure, where is your posture,” Brendon had hummed absently, fingers tracing the chords and focus centered on the paper. Ryan had stared, open-mouthed, completely frozen in shock. Brendon was good. No, good didn’t cover it. He was amazing. The sound of Brendon’s singing voice, especially when singing his own lyrics, made Ryan’s heart lurch in a way it never had before. His mouth went dry, and he suddenly knew with absolute certainty that he’d do anything to hear that as much as he possibly could. 

“What did you just do?” Ryan asked, at a loss for words, still staring at Brendon with wide eyes. Brendon had looked up, quirking an eyebrow in confusion, and oh, that was adorable. 

“I sang the lyrics?” Brendon answered hesitantly, and Ryan simply couldn’t understand how Brendon didn’t realize how significant his actions had been. 

“Do that again,” Ryan had ordered, not caring in the moment if he was being rude, just needing to hear that sound again as soon as possible. Brendon still looked confused, but had obeyed. 

“Have some composure, where is your posture, oh, no, no. You’re pulling the trigger, pulling the trigger, all wrong,” Brendon sang, a bit more clearly this time, and Ryan couldn’t believe that he was actually able to sound better than he had at first. 

“That’s it. You’re the lead singer now,” Ryan decided, surprised by the impulse but not trying particularly hard to resist it. Brendon’s eyes went impossibly wide, the disbelief etched on his face clear. 

“What? But, I thought, wait, why?” Brendon stammered, and Ryan would’ve laughed at his awkwardness if he weren’t totally falling in love right that moment. 

“Brendon, listen to me, you know I’m not putting this lightly when I say you have the voice of an angel because you know I have no problem criticizing you. I want this band to succeed, and our chances will be so much higher if you’re the one singing,” Ryan explained. It was a good enough excuse, and one that would probably be the truth if it weren’t for his unfortunate crush. The real reason was much closer to wanting to feel that little flipping over thing his heart did when Brendon sang as often as possible, and if it were to his own lyrics, that was even better. 

“You really think so?” Brendon’s expression was so full of hope that Ryan could barely think, just nodding as Brendon squealed. “Thank you so much, oh my god!” As Brendon’s face split into a wide grin directed solely at him, Ryan realized that he was completely fucked. 

~

“I don’t see what the problem is,” Spencer stated dryly after Ryan had related the entire story to him, not even glancing up from his Sidekick. “You wanna fuck him, he wants to fuck you, so just go and fuck already. Just don’t tell me about that in nearly as much detail.” Ryan let out a long, tortured sigh, wondering momentarily why Spencer was his best friend. 

“The problem,” Ryan huffed indignantly, “is that I don’t deserve Brendon. He could do so much better than me, and I don’t wanna hold him back.”

“That’s a shit reason,” Spencer commented, still not even giving Ryan the courtesy of eye contact. Ryan couldn’t understand why Spencer couldn’t see how serious of a problem this was. 

“No it’s not, Spence,” Ryan argued, running a hand through his hair. “It’s just that, you know Brendon. He’s so optimistic, and energetic, and just overall full of life. And then I’m all moody and grumpy, and so fucking emo all the time!”

“Anyone who thinks that is stupid,” Spencer remarked, finally looking up from his phone to look Ryan in the eye. “And in this specific case, you’re being more stupid than Brendon, which I had thought was impossible.”

“You don’t get it,” Ryan whined. “Brendon deserves someone less broken and more happy than me.”

“You’re still being stupid,” Spencer told him, focus returning to his Sidekick, and Ryan groaned loudly. Without saying another word, he stood up and walked away. Since talking to Spencer wasn’t doing any good, he’d get his feelings out some other way. Maybe he’d write a song. Yeah, that was a good idea. Or perhaps just cry in his bunk. 

~

It was the middle of the night when Ryan finally broke. He found his bunk too cramped to do much more than sleeping in, so he’d moved to the couch in the lounge to do some late night reading. It was a bit odd, yes, but far from the strangest of his habits. 

Ryan didn’t even look up when Brendon walked in from the bunks area. It wasn’t unusual for Brendon to get up frequently in the middle of the night, in fact, it was a wonder her ever slept with all the sugar and Redbull he consumed. 

Ryan did look up, however, when Brendon sat down on the couch next to him and pulled out his Sidekick. Ryan spared him just enough time to roll his eyes before returning his gaze to his book, not wanting his engagement in the story to be broken by Brendon’s odd habits. Unfortunately, that soon became clear to be impossible, as Brendon seemed to be slowly inching closer to him, apparently trying to cuddle up against him as nonchalantly as possible and utterly failing. 

When Brendon was nothing short of leaning against his side, Ryan admitted to himself that the book was a lost cause, sliding in a bookmark and closing it on his lap. Sighing, he turned to look at Brendon, whose gaze immediately shot back to his phone the moment Ryan was looking. Ryan wasn’t sure why he even bothered, as he could clearly see over Brendon’s shoulder that he wasn’t actually texting anyone. 

Perhaps it was the fact that this was far from the first time it had happened, or because of how painfully obvious their mutual pining was, that Ryan found himself growing angry. How long was he going to have to deal with things like this, knowing he couldn’t ever truly have any of it? 

“Why do like me?” Ryan snapped out of nowhere, his tone laced with a bitter annoyance. Brendon startled at the words, his head snapping to look back at Ryan with wide eyes. 

“Um, uh, I, uh, I don’t know what you’re talking about?” Brendon squeaked, pathetically fumbling over his words. Ryan would’ve found it aggravatingly adorable if he had been listening.

“You’re so perfect, and charming, and good-looking, you could get any guy or girl that you want! So why do you like me?” Without waiting for Brendon’s response, Ryan continued. “I’m constantly insulting you and being over-dramatic, and I have all this pain that I’m always using as an excuse to be a dick. Why do you like me?”

“Ryan,” Brendon breathed, his tone somewhere between shocked a bit scared. For a moment Ryan felt bad, before Brendon’s face slowly edged into a grin. “Wait, you think I’m good-looking?”

“Yes, obviously, just answer the question,” Ryan complained exasperatedly. If they were going to have this conversation, he was going to get straight to the point. 

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” Brendon fumbled, face sobering considerably. “Why would I not like you? You’re all like, I don’t know, mysterious, and deep, and educated, and like, totally hot, like honestly. And I get that you have all this baggage and shit, but I mean, so do I. And you’re still totally cool.”

“I think you think I’m better than I am,” Ryan argued. “Because I always try to act cooler than I am.” Brendon actually rolled his eyes at that, and Ryan felt like he should be offended by that. 

“Dude, I’ve lived on a bus with you for months. I think it’s impossible to do that and think you’re any cooler than you actually are,” Brendon pointed out, and Ryan had to admit that he had a point. He opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Brendon continued. “Look, I know you have problems, but so do I. And one of those problems is that I’ve been stupidly in love with you for the last two years, which is something I think you can help with.”

“But Brendon, I,” Ryan tried, completely it of things to say but not yet ready to totally give up. “I want you to be happier than I can make you, and-“

“For fuck’s sake, Ryan,” Brendon interrupted, and the next moment one of his hands was on the back of Ryan’s neck, and then, oh. Brendon was kissing him. It was exactly what Ryan had wanted for so long, but what he’d always decided he could never have. That seemed like such a stupid idea now. He allowed himself to melt into the kiss, just enjoying the moment for what it was. 

“Brendon,” Ryan panted, breaking off the kiss and leaning his forehead against Brendon’s shoulder. “I love you too, if that wasn’t obvious.”

“It was pretty clear,” Brendon teased, and Ryan’s breath caught at how happy he seemed right then, eyes shining and his grin splitting his face. Ryan leaned his head up to kiss him again, and in that moment realized that there had never been a problem to begin with.


End file.
